I am not The OOP, OOP is u/alexander_thompson

I [17/M] think that it's time I need to thank my Stepmom [42/F] for being there for me.

Original Post Feb 24, 2018

It wasn't until yesterday that things hit me. At 4 pm, I was doing some math, and then I felt that I really needed a break. So I walk about the room and then go over to my other desk to read the bible. And then I did something which I don't do that often. I opened the drawers and dusted the family photo album. I tried to revive these old memories as I looked at the pictures of my fun and carefree childhood days. And then as I flipped the pages, I come across a change. A "transition". The change was special, rewarding and much needed. I went from being the child of a single parent to have a step-mother. That was when I was 3 years old. I knew that she was my stepmother since the beginning. I wasn't too young to not remember what happened.

Fast forward, 14 years. She's still here and she's still there for me. She treats me as if I was her biological child. And I can't imagine growing up without her. From, toilet training as a toddler, to math homework at elementary school, as my emotional support and as someone who I can trust, bank on and look up to. She's filled the void.

And I never realised the significance of the role that she played in my life. Until now. I felt guilty, thankful and sorrowful all at the same time. It was almost as if I had taken her for granted...? Does she feel the same about me...? Why didn't she have children of her own? Why did she treat me as her own? Is she regretful for what she did? Is she happy?

Jesus. I can't sleep. It's 6 am is in Columbus and I've been up since 3 am. I can't sleep.My questions remain unanswered. And I don't know if I should talk to my mom about this. Does she expect me to be thankful for all that she's done for me? Is she treating me like her own son because we both have brown hair? Does she feel satisfied for having me in her life? Cause I sure am indebted to pay her back for her care. What's dad gonna say about this? Does he have an explanation?

I feel like an asshole for all the times that I screamed at her when I was an adolescent. Immature and Stupid. How did she deal with all that? Why did she have to go through all that?

I feel so bad about myself. I feel like I'm on the verge of falling off the edge of a cliff.

And then I made this account. This is the first time I'm using it. I still have no idea of how this works. As a student, I have no time for something like social media and connectivity. But I really needed some advice on this and I'm really disturbed.

tl;dr: I was going through my family album and then something hit me. I feel like I've been taking my stepmother for granted. The woman who filled the "VOID" in my life, the person who never let me down, the person who was always there for me. I wanna know if she's happy, I wanna know if she's regretful, I wanna why she raised me as her child and I wanna know why she decided to not have children of her own. These questions have been running through my head ever since yesterday. And I need answers to calm my disturbed soul.

TOP COMMENT

At 17, for you to come to that realization is completely awesome. She is your mom, even if she didn’t give birth to you. When she married your dad she knew you were an added bonus and decided she would take on that role.

It is NEVER to late to tell her how you feel. I don’t think you took her for granted, I think you were a child growing up. No kid grows up thinking “Wow! My parents sure do a great job putting pork chops on the table and helping me with math!” It’s a part of growing up and realizing the sacrifices people who love you make.

You’re a pretty awesome kid, now go tell your mom how awesome she is.

Update March 1, 2018 (5 days later)

I did it. I told her everything that i wanted to tell her. Asked her the questions to which i could find no answer. But, things did get a little delayed because i was waiting for the right time to do this. And yesterday(the 28th of February), was the day it happened.

I had to plan things out, i wrote a brief letter and i gave her the family album, etc... But, all of these ideas were inspired by the advice that was given to me by some very "Nice" people, om my last post. A big thank you to all of them!

----Presentation:

• I tore a page from my wastebook(watch "the birth of calculus" to understand what i mean by that).

• And i wrote the words - "Thank You" at the top of the page, titling it a manner that would reduce the conspicuousness of the situation.

• I kept things as simple and brief as possible because i believe that - "Beauty lies in Simplicity". People always screw things up, by overdoing stuff.

• The letter: Mom, there's a lot have to tell you, but I'll be keeping this brief and saving the others for later. I thank you for always being there for me. I thank you for never letting go of me. Thanks for all the values that you've taught me. Thanks for raising me in a very nice way. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today. And as i look back at the past, I've been taken aback by the way i screamed at you, took you for granted, had a bad perspective about you. And I'm thankful that you stayed by stayed by my side all through those stormy adolescent years of my life, where i had no control over my rational self. I'm very sorry that you had to go through all of that. It's just that I came to the realisation of this only a few days ago.

• that's what I wrote on that sheet of paper.

• I then placed that sheet in the family album which has some of the earliest pictures of us together.

• I told her that there something important that i needed to tell her. And i handed the book to her just before she was about watch - "America's Newsroom" at 9 am (E.T).

----Reactions: *****Spoiler alert!!!! -----We broke down together!!!!

• She put on her glasses and she opened the book. She looked at me and she said that she loved the days of her youth.

• And then i told her to read the letter that i had written for her.

• She replied---"A letter?!? I don't understand where this is going" •And then, she read it.

• When she was done reading it, she looked at me, with tears welling up in her eyes. And she said "No. I need be thankful to have someone who could acknowledge this...."

• She couldn't hold it in no more.

• She broke down. I broke down. We broke down on each other's shoulders.

• She said that it's a day that she won't forget cause it made her feel successful in raising up a child, that would reflect the same care to her. She said that she wanted to be my mother and take her of me as her own child because she saw me as her "Own" child.

tl;dr: i told my mom everything I needed to tell her. And things did go as planned. Things did get a little emotional when the both of us broke down. My questions were answered, by the person who knew the answers.

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