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MILWAUKEE—Staring down in utter terror at his suddenly oversized pajamas, Milwaukee Bucks power forward Giannis Antetokounmpo reportedly panicked Wednesday after waking up 3-foot-2. “Oh, no, this is bad—this is really, really bad,” the nine-time NBA all-star said as he jumped up and down to glimpse his diminutive form in a mirror, wondering aloud in a voice two octaves higher than normal how he could possibly play in the Bucks’ regular season opener against the Wizards later that day. “This is the worst thing that could’ve happened to me, and at the worst possible time! I was 6-foot-11 when I went to bed last night. What the heck happened? My teammates are counting on me to be tall!” At press time, Antetokounmpo was seen stuffing his size-16 shoes with newspaper and gelling his hair extra high in hopes of making himself look tall enough that no one would notice.
The post Giannis Antetokounmpo Panicking After Waking Up 3-Foot-2 appeared first on The Onion.
I am requesting a new rule to be instituted immediately. For the 3rd time in two seasons, and the second time in as many weeks, we have had a player drop the ball before crossing the goal line. This has resulted in a fumble/touchback, and all 3 times the team that committed the infraction has gone on to lose. Some may consider the loss and the embarrassment to be fair punishment. I do not. I hearby demand all players who commit such a fault be immediately and summarily executed.
This is professional football. The highest level of the sport. To reach such heights, one must play football for many years, or in the case of tight ends, some basketball in college. Ignorance of the rules is simply unacceptable. The goal line is precious. It is the goal. It is the threshold of victory. It is the greatest achievement a play can result in. To cross that threshold: divine.
To casually drop the ball in celebration before passing through that threshold should be a crime upon existence. This is not Leon Lett having the ball punched out. It is not a player trying to make an effort and losing control, such as Trevor Lawrence reaching for the plane and having the ball come loose in the effort. This is a player, guaranteed to cross the threshold, to secure the points, willingly and foolishly depositing the ball before the achieved outcome…for vanity. Inexcusable. Peewee football has better discipline than this.
Such vanity should be met with equal deconstruction. To build up such an impermeable wall of ego must not be allowed. The goal line is a big, wide white line. One must simply hold onto the ball for fractions of an inch to secure the achievement. One can simply retain possession until the threshold is behind. Then all vanity is earned. All ego untouched. To presume yourself larger than the game and assume success before achievement: you must befall the fate of Icarus. To see your goal within reach and perish for your hubris.
NFL, the ball is in your court. If you have the power to use replay assist, you have the power to use orbital lasers.
Exiting character for the last bit here, but what other boneheaded plays deserve orbital vaporization? In any sport? Decisions so bad, egotistical, and stupid, that it takes what should be a team success and turns it into an utter failure? Maybe the classic soccer Own Goal?
The post Cross The Goal Line You Dummy appeared first on The Draw Play.
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