While some teams require fans to return game balls that enter the stands, the NFL says it has no such formal league-wide policy.

In 1985, a 29-year-old Tokyo woman named Mariko Aoki wrote to a Japanese magazine called Book Magazine with an embarrassing confession: for years, walking around bookstores had inevitably made her need to rush to the bathroom. The editors published her letter thinking it was amusing. — Read the rest

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Aging Out of Fucks: The Neuroscience of Why You Suddenly Can’t Pretend Anymore. “…that point in midlife when your capacity to pretend, perform, and please others starts shorting out like an electrical system that’s finally had enough.”

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Claiming the new offering would revolutionize the use of pasta sauce in stress reduction and pain relief, Ragú officials unveiled a new sensory deprivation marinara tank at a press event Friday. “This lightproof, soundproof vat filled with our signature vine-ripened, zesty tomato sauce marks the beginning of an exciting new era in tomato-based relaxation,” said Ragú spokesperson Ken Ewing, who explained that a savory blend of herbs and salt specially formulated for maximum therapeutic benefits allowed the body to effortlessly float above the surface of the red sauce inside the isolation pod, promoting a combination of anxiety reduction and hearty, high-quality Mediterranean ingredients. “The detoxifying marinara is slowly simmered to the exact temperature of the user’s body, allowing the mind to drift freely into a meditative gravy state, just like Nonna used to make. The experience is available in both traditional and chunky varieties, including a tactile thermal meat sauce and a highly stimulating arrabiata option—guaranteed to clear your mind of everything except authentic, Old World–style Italian flavor.” Ragú went on to recommend that customers visit the brand’s website, where they posted a bonus recipe for an invigorating gazpacho cold plunge.

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merry and bright