NEW YORK—Calling it a “historic moment” in women’s basketball history, the WNBA announced Wednesday that the league would expand into three more cities as its Caitlin Clark cloning experiment neared completion. “Soon, Cleveland, Detroit, and Philadelphia will reap the rewards of our effort to bioengineer several perfect replicas of Caitlin Clark,” said WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert, adding that the league would have the capacity to populate 18 teams with exact genetic copies of the point guard once the clones were finally done incubating. “Fans all over the United States and Canada will be able to watch dozens of Clarkoids that have been grown in a vat of nutrient-rich solutions housed deep beneath the WNBA’s headquarters. And by 2030, we hope to launch even more teams filled with opposing clones of Angel Reese.” At press time, the WNBA had paused their new franchises after an entire team of Caitlin Clark replicas spontaneously began vomiting blood and exploding into piles of viscera just a few minutes into their debut exhibition game.

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For the next six months, Reasons to be Cheerful is exploring the Mississippi River Basin, home to some of the most pressing challenges in the United States.

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As a college freshman, Karen de Boer was sometimes inconsiderate to her hallmate, Pam. So when Karen missed the bus to her choir performance, she was surprised — and moved — when Pam came to her rescue.

(Image credit: Karen de Boer family photo)

Dead at 74, Dave Parker

stand out